Pencil and Letter

Letter to My Older Self

A few months ago, I wrote a letter to my younger self. It was one of the most difficult posts I’ve written, yet it was one of my most successful. Writing a letter to myself in the future was one of the blog post ideas I’ve had written down since the very beginning, but I’ve kept putting it off because of how difficult I found the ‘younger self’ one. So, with a brand new schedule in place, I’ve had this one penciled in for a while. Again, the main thing I struggled with was the age that I write to. I haven’t really specified here, I’ve just tried to keep things generic – I’m not sure whether it would have been more difficult if I’d picked an age!

Dear Future Amy,

I’m not sure how old you are when you’re reading this, but I’m writing this to you at the ripe old age of 27. I’m not sure what things are like for you right now, but I hope they’re good. I’m not sure what to say to you, so I’ll just fill you in a little on what’s happening.

Currently, health wise, things aren’t great. As I write this, you’re just under a week away from your gastroenterology appointment. You’ve been waiting for it for six months and for the last few days you’ve been weirdly excited. You should be – your stomach has fucked you about far too much over the last few months so fingers crossed this is the start of them sorting it out. Although, you’re currently watching a documentary on junior doctors, and 2 of the patients featured have inflammatory bowel disease and have been fitted with stoma bags…  you’re now shitting yourself. The logical part of your brain is telling you that it’s a coincidence, while the OCD part is telling you that it’s a sign.

Ah, OCD. I’m sure I don’t need to remind you of the part OCD has played in your early adult life. At this point in time, there’s good days and bad ones. Hopefully at some point before you read this back, you’ll have had a bit of a refresher with the CBT and be in an even better place. Currently you’ve had your quota on the NHS –  so right now, it’s private or nowt. 

You’re married to Liam, and last week you celebrated your fourth wedding anniversary. There’s no kids right now, but there’s Tilly, and it’s the perfect little family. Whether there’s kids, no kids, or just more cats, whatever is going on in the future, just remember to cut Liam some slack – he’s put up with a lot from you, and he probably still does!

Me, Liam and Tilly

Job wise, you’re currently working for a digital media company, while trying to make it as a blogger outside of work. The dream is to be self-employed and to actually make enough money to live on from it. Right now, it feels like it’s never going to happen, so I’m hoping that you’re reading this feeling smug that you’ve finally done it. That’s what I’d like to think anyway.

You currently rent your house, and the possibility of actually owning one seems virtually impossible right now. There was the potential for one at the start of this year, but it all fell through. At the moment, the second that someone asks you if there are any developments, your heart instantly sinks. I’d like to think that as you read this, you’re doing so in a house of your own, that has one of those fancy Ikea kitchens you’ve always lusted after. If you’re not, then there better be a good reason!

A few final thoughts and hopes that I have for you: 

  • I hope that you’ve achieved everything on your 30 Before 30 – if you haven’t even cooked a full 3 course meal yet, GIRL WTF ARE YOU DOING?
  • I hope you’ve managed to see Taylor Swift in concert. 
  • I hope that you now know what the hell is wrong with your butt, and that it’s all being managed well.
  • I hope that you finally have a job that you’re happy in – whether you’ve got the dream of being a self-employed blogger or something else, you deserve a job that you’re happy with.
  • I hope that your OCD is at a point where you feel you can manage it properly, and where there are more good days than bad. I also hope that you’ve either reduced or come off of your medication. 
  • But above all, I hope you’re happy. Wherever that is, and whatever you’re doing, I really, really hope that you’re happy.

I’m rooting for you. I’m very aware that a lot of this depends on how I act now, so I’ll do my best not to let you down.

Present Amy x

This one was definitely more difficult to write! Writing to my younger self, I knew all of the things that used to trouble me, and as someone in the future, it was a lot easier to be a bit more positive. Of course no one knows what actually is going to happen in the future, and while I didn’t want to get too imaginative in what I hope for the future, I also didn’t want to be too negative. I think I get a few points for writing this one sober at least!

What would you say to your future self? 

Featured image by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash.

13 thoughts on “Letter to My Older Self

  1. Liz says:

    This felt like such a personal post to read and it really resonated with me. Good luck with your appointment. I’m having similar stomach issues but it’s anxiety causing my IBS to flare up (multiple times a day). The doctor just prescribed some fibre drink and sent me on my way 😫 I hope your future self has achieved your goals xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • amymayj says:

      Sorry to hear you’re having stomach issues too, it’s nature’s cruel joke when you have emetophobia too! I had a similar experience with the consultant on Tuesday – I’m going to write about it I think but the short version is that he basically shut down every symptom as IBS! Thank you for reading 🙂 xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. keepingitmindful says:

    Wow, what an amazing idea of self-exploration! I love the advice you give your future self – thank you so much for sharing, I may have to try this too!! x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hunida says:

    I loved this, Amy, so raw & honest. I don’t even know what I expect from my future self, let alone what I’d tell her.

    I hope your gastroenterology appoinment went well & your doctor was able to get the bottom of your issues. Happy 4 year anniversary to you & Liam, you have an adorable little family. 💖

    Best of luck on achieving everything on your 30 before 30 list & on your journey to becoming a self-employed blogger. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • amymayj says:

      Aw thanks for your lovely comment Hunida 🙂 I wouldn’t say it went well but things are getting investigated at least! Once I sort myself out I may write about it in a bit more detail! Thanks for stopping by 🙂 xx

      Liked by 1 person

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