28 Lessons

Well. I don’t think anyone with a birthday from March onwards expected to be celebrating in lockdown. Call me naive, but I had my cold little gin soaked heart set on this lockdown at least being eased in time for my birthday on the 4th May. But, it wasn’t to be. Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually a bit relieved that the government has seen enough sense as to not lift it too early, but the selfish little 8 year old part of me is gutted. I’m fully aware that I’m not the only person celebrating their birthday in this shitty situation, and I’m also fully aware that so many people have had their lives torn apart by this asshole of a virus. I’m grateful that I have my husband and Tilly to spend the day with, and I’m so incredibly grateful that my friends and family are safe with all of this going on. 

Nonetheless, I’m gutted that I can’t see my Mum on my birthday. It’s been shit not seeing her and Daisy anyway, but seeing her on my birthday is always one of my favourite parts of the day. There’ll be no visit from my Dad, no cocktails with my friends, and no birthday dinner out with Liam. Again, I’m well aware that there’s people who have it a lot worse right now, but it’s still fucking shit.

Anyway, that’s it for my little pity party for now. On a cheerier note, today officially marks 28 years of me being alive, I thought I’d share 28 things I’ve learned over the years. My regular readers will probably remember this post from last year, but as it was one of my best ones I decided to give it a bit more of an update and republish it. Enjoy!

This is an updated version of 27 Lessons, which was originally posted in April 2019. 

1. Don’t balance on the edge of your dad’s pond…you will fall in. And when you’re 6 years old it will be traumatic AF. 

2. Just because it’s your birthday party it doesn’t mean you get to win the prize at Pass the Parcel, no matter how much you cry.

3. Keep your fingers out of the way when you’re putting more staples in a stapler.

4. Always keep your bag on you when you’re on a night out. 

5. Sulking, crying or having a full blown tantrum are NOT effective ways of getting what you want.

6. Actually ask for help when you’re struggling in maths.

7. Some of the cruellest people you’ll meet will be the girls on your netball/rounders/basketball/any other sports team during P.E. Don’t worry about being a tattle tale – those bitches need taking down a peg or two.

8. Just because the other kids make fun of you, you shouldn’t quit learning to ride a bike.

9. During crappy times will be when you realise who your real friends are.

10. Worrying about all of the possible outcomes to something will stop you from enjoying the journey.

11. Your GCSE choices do matter. Choose your subjects wisely.

12. Just because your teachers tell you to go to university, it doesn’t mean it’s the best option for you. 

13. Don’t give up on your dream career because you feel you’re “not clever enough.”

14. Don’t let a fear of losing your friends keep you in a crappy job. If the friendships are strong enough you’ve nothing to worry about.

15. If your contact lenses are uncomfortable, take them out.

16. Don’t drink 2 bottles of cheap wine during your first month of taking SSRIs. 

17. On the same note, don’t drink yourself into a stupor on the first night of a holiday. Especially when the holiday is only 4 days long.

18. Contrasting prints are NOT a good look.

19. When you don’t have kids, booking 2 weeks off work during the summer holidays is a ridiculously idiotic decision.

20. You’re never too old to watch a Disney movie. If anything, you appreciate them more as an adult.

21. The best ideas for making something amazing can still turn out to be fucking horrific – take the birthday cake 15 year old me made for my Mum’s 50th birthday.

22. You don’t need to spend all of your pocket money on a Jane Norman bag.

23. Enjoy all those years where you don’t have periods. You’ll soon regret all those nights you spent crying because all of your friends have got their first.

24. Whenever you’re on a night out, stop drinking after midnight.

25. Love is finding someone who still wants to kiss you after you’ve thrown up…at least during the first few months of a relationship.

26. Talking about poo is the mark of any quality friendship.

27. Your real friends will be the people who see you at your absolute worst and still love you.

28. Never underestimate the power of seeing your loved ones. A coffee with your Mum, nipping into see your grandparents, driving over to see your Dad, a glass of wine with your best friend…never underestimate a single second of it.