I don’t know about you, but back in the day, I used to have what I now realise are crushes on animated characters. NO. SHUT UP. YOU’RE THE WEIRDO. Believe it or not, there’s a whole bunch of articles on the internet dedicated to the topic, and it wasn’t just animated people, either. This article is actually entitled “15 Disney Animal Characters We Were Oddly Attracted To,” and features the likes of Thomas O’Malley from The Aristocats, Robin Hood from Robin Hood, Max from A Goofy Movie, and adult Simba from The Lion King. “But who topped the list?” I hear you ask. It was the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. Jesus.
Anyway, I’m pleased to report that none of the animated characters that feature on this list are animals. However, one is a fairy and the other is a white blood cell. No, YOU have problems. As I’m sure you’ve probably guessed, this is one of those posts where I want to embrace my weirdness – so feel free to join in with this safe space and share all of the animated characters you thirsted over as a child in the comments. Please. I know I’m not the only one, guys. We’re all friends here.
Voiced by John Cusack, Dimitri was your typical conman who ultimately ends up falling for Anya, and literally every little girl watching the film fell for him. Including me. That hairstyle and that jawline – holy shit. Sure, he was a bit of a dick at times, like hiding his entire “fake princess” scam from Anya, but ultimately his heart was in the right place, especially more so towards the end of the movie. Also, no one wears a waistcoat like he does.
As it turned out, Thumbelina was also by the same director as Anastasia, so I guess it’s not really a surprise that fairy prince Cornelius made this list. Don Bluth clearly has the knack for creating animated films with hot male protagonists. There’s a sentence I never thought I’d say. Why I wasn’t the biggest fan of Cornelius’ outfit, I guess you have to take in the fact that he is indeed a fairy, so it probably comes with the territory. Still, he clearly had some decent muscles going on, and his singing voice was dreamy AF (Let Me Be Your Wings literally lives in my head rent free). You have to give it to Thumbelina though, running off in the middle of the night with a random guy is kind of a dumbass move, but I guess that’s one of the foundations that fairytales are built on.
Osmosis Jones (Osmosis Jones)
Prepare yourselves, friends. Shit’s about to get even weirder. Am I the only one that ended up crushing on a fucking ANIMATED WHITE BLOOD CELL? Voiced by Chris Rock in the 2001 film that pretty much flopped everywhere, Osmosis (or Ozzy for short – long time blog readers will know I named my cat after him) was a white blood cell cop that was pretty much always getting into trouble. For some reason, I ended up obsessed with him as a character and the film in general (despite it having a vomit scene that still scars me to this day). It was during the scenes where he’s not wearing the jacket – THAT GODDAMN WHITE T-SHIRT – that particularly got me thirsting, and I’ll be honest with you, I still see it. As a character, he’s pretty badass too – he doesn’t necessarily play by the rules, but he still does what’s right for Frank at the end of the day. He’s also bloody hilarious.
Prince Eric (The Little Mermaid)
Let’s be honest, there’s a fair few Disney princes that are hot AF, but for me, Prince Eric was (and still is tbf) always one of the ones on top of that list. Those dreamy blue eyes and that V-neck shirt – holy shiiit. Again, even though it was a dumbass move on Ariel’s part (also bbz you’re SIXTEEN, contrary to what you say to your father at one point, you are, actually, still a child), I can totally see why she pretty much gave up her entire life and family for such a hot piece of ass. Too much?
I was obsessed with Hercules back when the film first came out. He just had something about him that little 5 year old me was crushing on hard. Looking back, as a grown ass adult, I think it was the hair and just the fact that despite being brave and having this superhuman strength, as a person, he was pretty nerdy and socially awkward, and there’s something about that that’s pretty g’damn hot.
Prince Derek (The Swan Princess)
Finally, we have Prince Derek from the Swan Princess movies. While now I’m not particularly keen on that bob haircut, back in the day he was DREAMY. Sure, he fucked up on multiple occasions – like the time he hid the fact from Odette that he’d kept the missing page of Rothbart’s notes, the time he kept ditching her, and the time he forgot his mother’s birthday. Oh, and this iconic moment:
Still, he was still handsome AF. One moment that lives in my head rent free is from The Secret of the Castle, where Clavius was shooting orb-lasers (or whatever TF they were) at him and his shirt rips. Holy shiiit.
Well, I’m sure anyone reading this post found that quite the eye opener. Please do let me know I’m not alone by replying in the comments with the animated characters that you had/have crushes on. Come on, it’s a safe space. We’re all friends here.