It’s my birthday this week. As you may not have already guessed, I turn 27 on Saturday. I’ve learned a few lessons over the years, some of which are quite important, some of which are just little things I’ve picked up. So for a special birthday post, I’ve compiled a list of 27 things I’ve learned in my 27 years. Enjoy, and maybe even learn a little something.
1. Don’t balance on the edge of your dad’s pond…you will fall in. And when you’re 6 years old it will be traumatic AF.
2. Just because it’s your birthday party it doesn’t mean you get to win the prize at Pass the Parcel, no matter how much you cry.
3. Keep your fingers out of the way when you’re putting more staples in a stapler.
4. Always keep your bag on you when you’re on a night out.
5. Sulking, crying or having a full blown tantrum are NOT effective ways of getting what you want.
6. Actually ask for help when you’re struggling in maths.
7. Some of the cruellest people you’ll meet will be the girls on your netball/rounders/basketball/any other sports team during P.E. Don’t worry about being a tattle tale – those bitches need taking down a peg or two.
8. Just because the other kids make fun of you, you shouldn’t quit learning to ride a bike.
9. During crappy times will be when you realise who your real friends are.
10. Worrying about all of the possible outcomes to something will stop you from enjoying the journey.
11. Your GCSE choices do matter. Choose your subjects wisely.
12. Just because your teachers tell you to go to university, it doesn’t mean it’s the best option for you.
13. Don’t give up on your dream career because you feel you’re “not clever enough.”
14. Don’t let a fear of losing your friends keep you in a crappy job. If the friendships are strong enough you’ve nothing to worry about.
15. If your contact lenses are uncomfortable, take them out.
16. Don’t drink 2 bottles of cheap wine during your first month of taking SSRIs.
17. On the same note, don’t drink yourself into a stupor on the first night of a holiday. Especially when the holiday is only 4 days long.
18. Contrasting prints are NOT a good look. As demonstrated below.
19. The best ideas for making something amazing can still turn out to be fucking horrific – take the birthday cake 15 year old me made for my Mum’s 50th birthday.
20. You’re never too old to watch a Disney movie. If anything, you appreciate them more as an adult.
21. When you don’t have kids, booking 2 weeks off work during the summer holidays is a ridiculously idiotic decision.
22. You don’t need to spend all of your pocket money on a Jane Norman bag.
23. Enjoy all those years where you don’t have periods. You’ll soon regret all those nights you spent crying because all of your friends have got their first.
24. Whenever you’re on a night out, stop drinking after midnight. I’ve only recently started doing this and it makes a huge difference to your hangover.
25. Your real friends will be the people who see you at your absolute worst and still love you.
26. Love is finding someone who still wants to kiss you after you’ve thrown up…at least during the first few months of a relationship.
27. Talking about poo is the mark of any quality friendship.