A Letter to My Younger Self (2019)

When I was first looking at ideas for my blog, this was one of the suggestions that kept popping up. I’ve attempted to write this a few times, but I struggled. What age did I write to? Was I writing to prepare them for what was to come or was I writing to them to deter them from some poor decisions? I tried to plan it properly with mind maps and notes and stuff, but ultimately, I just decided to go for it. By that I mean I drank a bottle of Pinot Grige’, opened up my laptop and just smashed out a post. This is what I came up with…

Dear 14 Year Old Amy,

You probably don’t recognise me. I’m you, 13 years from now. Right now you’re madly in love with Dec (yes, of Ant and Dec), and obsessed with Scrubs and Frasier. Literally your number one worry right now is whether your Mum will get rid of the Sky subscription meaning you won’t be able to watch it on Paramount Comedy (now Comedy Central) anymore. I mean, as 27 year old you, I long for the days when that was my only major worry. In all honesty, though, you’ll be fine. I’m here to tell you that no matter what shit happens in the next few years, you’ll be okay.

Firstly, let’s start with the thing that over the years will get to you the most – your appearance. I know right now you’re ridiculously unhappy with your teeth, but let me tell you, they won’t always look like they do now. In a few years, you’ll get your first brace, and you’ll be well on the way to a decent set of gnashers. It won’t exactly be easy – you’ll feel guilty every time you drink Coke, you won’t eat an apple normally for a good 5 years, and you’ll have to wear elastic bands to correct your overbite. But rest assured, it’ll be worth it. As for your glasses, don’t fret. Yes, you’re short sighted AF, but in 6 years time, you’ll start a job at an opticians, and over time, you’ll learn how to pick a frame that suits your tiny face and your massive prescription. Then you’ll learn how to use contact lenses, and you’ll wonder why you’ve been so scared of them all these years. Not only that, you will meet some of the most amazing people and you will have some of your best days and nights out with them.

Currently, the friendship situation is probably a little difficult. But that’s okay. I’m not going to lie, things won’t exactly be easy in the next 13 years either, but trust me, you’ll be fine. Certain friendships will fizzle out, but others will stay strong, even after long periods of time apart. You’ll even make some new ones. Honestly. One person in particular will become your absolute best friend – she will make you laugh, she will take care of you when you’re feeling down, and no topic will ever be off limits.

Another thing that will be on your mind a lot over the next few years will be boyfriends. A couple of your friends at the moment will be in their first relationships, while you’re still sat in your room alone listening to emo love songs and wishing you had someone who was attracted to you. But trust me, give it a few years, and you’ll be ridiculously happy. After a little meddling from your mates, someone who’s been a part of your friendship group for years and years will very quickly become your boyfriend. Not only that, but you will end up moving in with him, getting engaged to him, getting a cat with him, and marrying him.

Unfortunately, I can’t say things will improve on the emetophobia front. In fact, it will develop into something a little more difficult. I don’t want to give any spoilers, but if I had to give you any advice, I’d say this: take the drugs. Take the drugs as soon as they’re offered to you, and start your recovery nice and early. Oh, and keep going back. Don’t get fobbed off.

Let’s talk about the job thing. At the moment, you probably will have given up your dream of becoming a vet, simply because you’re struggling in science and you’re crap at maths. I won’t bollock you for that, but I’ll give you a little pre-warning – your mind will torture you for it. For the next few years you’ll be fighting a constant battle with yourself, and you’ll have more than your fair share of dark moments because of it. There’ll be a good few years where you’ll have no idea what you want to do with your life and it will get you down so much that you will genuinely hate yourself for it. But rest assured, you’ll still go to university, and the job you get will set you up for meeting some of your best friends, and you’ll make so many incredible memories with them.

I’d love to tell you that 13 years from now, I’m working as a vet at the top of my field, but I’m not. However, I’m happily married, I’m Mama to the most beautiful and funny little cat, and I have some of the most amazing friends who make me laugh when I need them and who are always there for me. So realistically, you’re winning at life.

Before I go, a few more tips. Be nicer to your Mum – she’s awesome. You’ll get a fair amount of money for your 18th birthday – you’ll spunk it all on bottles of VK and Skittle Jugs. You’ll regret the hell out of it. Ignore the girls that take the piss out of you in PE. As hard as it is to ignore them, whether you can catch a rounders ball or not is NOT the be all and end all, no matter how much they call you a pathetic little midget. Finally, actually ask your teacher for help in maths if you’re struggling.

Just remember, no matter what anyone says or does to you over the next few years, you are pretty damn awesome. Don’t let those fuckwits bring you down.

All the best,

27 Year Old Amy x